Ok so I am CON.VIN.CED that I am NOT the only parent out there that feels like a failure most of the time. For a while I was positive I was, then I started noticing and listening to other parents and it turns out they were feeling what I was feeling. BUT (you knew there was a but right??!!!) no one will admit it until someone else does. No one will!!! So here I am....but I doubt it's a big shock to anyone that knows me! I still feel like I am the worst mother in the world, but at least I give it the old college try. Which, in retrospect doesn't say much, since I never went to college. oh well, I must digress.
For those that don't know the ins and outs of our lil family here, I was a single mom for 8 years. (kid #1's biological dad has since passed, but he was never a part of kid #1's life. The death was a shock, so we are actually dealing with it kind of weirdly because kid #1 is in worship mode right now. He's thinking of all the "what ifs". I do too.) Moving along, I married a man that I dated in high school, but we married when we were 30 and 27 (of course I am the younger one, still holding strong to that 27 after 7 years of marriage!!) Along came kid #2 six months after the marriage. Yes people, the baby was conceived out of wedlock. Ok, lets move on! :-) Kid #3 came along 3 years later. And then kid #4 S.H.O.C.K.E.D. us 2 years later almost to the day of #3. We were done with #3, but #4 decided not so.
Now kid #1 is almost 16 years old. yeah, he's so fun. NOT. (ok, there are those 8 hours when he's sleeping) He has this idea that he is entitled to everything, has to work for nothing and on top of all that, he is God's gift to women. (he does in fact get that from his dad!!!) Let me tell you, as hard as all that is to deal with, when he is the nice, sweet, respectful young man that he can be...oh he makes my heart melt. His brothers worship him, as do all his cousins. (particularly the little girls that are close to his age and all their friends too!! lol) With that note, he makes you work HARD to see that side of him.
Kid #2 is ADHD, recently diagnosed. We are on our third round of meds with him. Pretty positive this is the keeper though. (and if anyone wants to talk about that, let me know. It took me a long time to decide to follow thru with that check up and diagnosis and it was hard. It still is very hard for me to admit that he is ADHD, because you get THAT look. You know...and it will soon follow with the "worst mother in the world" feeling). He is our little loner who likes to play in his room, using his imagination. And if you could keep all his brothers away during that time, that would be fantastic!
Kid #3 is a not a talker. He is almost 3 years old. He understands everything you say, can follow directions very well, and does say some minor things. But not much. He has his own language. He is also a bully. Oh he is sweet as can be sometimes. When he gets mad, world look out!! I want to blame it on his daddy, who he is very much like, including looks, but really his anger comes from me.
Kid #4 is just as sweet as can be. He's also only 8 months old. hehehehe So he's perfect. Please someone help that child though, cause his head is a magnet to concrete, hard floors, table corners, hard toys and pretty much anything that cause bodily hard. It kills me.In addition the hubster and I have fights. And we get really upset with each other. He hates that I stack stuff all over the place. I do. I have piles of papers in the kitchen, living room, our room, the dining room...everywhere. I hate that he has a huge pile where his keys and wallet go. I mean he puts EVERYTHING there. At least mine is broken up. :-)
Ultimately we all love each other. One day we will all look back fondly and recall this time. And I will THEN find out that I was a pretty good mom. While my kids will remember the things they will NEVER do to their kids, they probably will. Just like I did with my mom.
And that my friends is what family is, I hope. At least here it is. What you see on tv is NOT what family is. Even though we strive for it. But seriously people-you know who writes those lines? Single people. Who aren't married, who don't have kids, and who are rolling in the dough!! They are still dreaming! They will wake up one day covered in spit up, from 3 days ago, realize they haven't had a shower, they need to make 3 dozen cupcakes by tomorrow morning, all their eggs are rotten and the toddler is drinking the last cup of milk. It's at that point they will realize how stupid and naive they were when they were writing those lines. I am CONVINCED that is how the show The Middle came about. If my #3 would talk, he might just whisper like Brick.Good day to all and to all a good day!
